Sometimes, I forget that I used to do it too.
I dieted, I counted, and I weighed. It’s for this reason alone that I identify with weight loss bloggers so completely, and why I want to personally hug each one of you. You are all so close to my heart because I know how difficult the journey really is.
I label myself as a “former bulimic”, but let’s get real here.
I became bulimic when I was 15 because I was overweight. I wanted to be thinner. Then, apparently due to the perfect alignment of the sun, moon, and planets (coupled with a healthy dose of childhood trauma and catastrophe), my “diet” snowballed into an eating disorder.
My eating disorder started out as a diet. For many years, I never considered my eating disorder to be anything BUT a diet (one in which I just also happened to puke a lot). What I’m saying is that I know the weight loss game. I was overweight for most of my life, and I was miserable. I tried everything (not just puking).
That being said, despite the fact that I’ve ‘been there, done that’, sometimes I am still shocked by things that I read. Today, for instance.
I saw these words: “I’m out of calories for the day”.
OUT?
…Of CALORIES?!
I can understand being out of toilet paper. Or being out of toothpaste. Or (if you’re me), “oh shit, I’m out of mushrooms and fennel…and WHERE is my Parmesan?!”
…but out of CALORIES?! How can this be? How can one just be OUT of calories?
“Welp, It’s 5PM, and I’m fresh out of calories for the day! Guess that means no dinner for me!”
That’s it. The end.
Starvation.
Restriction.
Famine.
In my opinion, when we start throwing all of these negatives into our life, we eventually become frustrated and give up. It’s just not FUN anymore, and isn’t that what life is really about? Living it up and having FUN?
- Can’t
- Won’t
- Shouldn’t
- Good
- Bad
These are words I just don’t use when it comes to food, fitness, health, or really even life in general. I love you, weight loss bloggers…really, I do. But seriously. When are you going to stop being so concerned about the calorie content of every tablespoon and ounce of food that passes your lips so that you can start working on the REAL stuff? You know, the stuff that continues to make you abuse your body consistently each and every day.
What many people in our society realize but choose to gloss over is that we create these negative coping skills in order to avoid things. Over the course of many years. To avoid feelings. To avoid getting work done. To keep ourselves occupied so we don’t have to think and feel and cry. We bottle our feelings up inside of a 2-liter of Pepsi, and stuff our feelings down with a box of Orange Hostess Cupcakes.
(I spent many a teary evening with you, Orange Hostess Cupcake…)
What don’t we do? We don’t do the work. We don’t feel the feelings, and we don’t find a professional to help us. If I needed my faucet fixed, I’d call a plumber. Why wouldn’t I call a professional to “fix” my broken body; to repair my leaky mind?
Find the tools.
You’ve heard it before, and I’m saying it again: STOP SHOULDING ALL OVER YOURSELF.
Stop counting your fu@kin% calories, and start living. Start exploring. Start opening up your world.
And please (please)…start letting yourself eat dinner.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s shocking… and sad :/
I so love this post. A million reasons why. I did a pretty twisted dance with bullimia back in the day (I, too, called it a diet) and it made a brief reappearance when I was (gak!) pregnant with my daughter. The morning sickness was pretty bad, I was throwing up a lot, and my body kind of . . . liked the memory of how that felt.
Bad. I know. I can’t write about it on my blog because of the people in my real life who read it.
But anyhow, the “I’m out of calories.” I so get what you’re saying. I get it from a few different viewpoints, because I’m at that place where I’m using the tools – the counting and weighing and measuring and whatnot – which are helping me deal with the triggers (am I eating because I am hungry/sad/bored/anxious) – which I HOPE will lead me to stronger INSTINCTS so maybe one day I won’t need the scales and the journals and the whatever.
Who the fuck knows what I’m talking about. I’m just trying to say thanks for this post. It spoke to me.
It makes me so sad to hear people say that they can’t eat dinner (or only vegetables for dinner) because they’ve eaten too many calories/points/whatever that day. They are going to miss out on nutrients, fibre and protein that their body NEEDS because they are punishing themselves for having a treat. That’s only going to perpetuate the cycle.
I love this post.
You should not be a slave to your diet.
I was a lot happier when I started embracing it as new life style and not thinking of it as being on a diet and counting calories.
Today, if I decided that I’m going to eat that cupcake, I will eat it and love it and move past it AND have dinner. Because I know life is all about balance.
I love this post. I agree with everything you said. These diets and calorie counting are teaching people to restrict what they eat and not enjoy the fabulousness of good food, in moderation. So what if you are “out of calories” for the day? What about for the week? For the month? One meal is not going to kill you, and will probably keep you from binging at 11 pm after a stressful episode of Lost. I feel that the stricter people are with themselves, the more “rules” they have, the worse it will be.
Get it, girl! I’m so glad to be part of a blogging community whose goal is to spread these kinds of messages.
great post!
as a recovering compulsive overeater/binger, who has been binge-free for 2+ years, i totally hear you. When I was trying to be “good” and eat only a certain amount of calories, it definitely sucked to be so preoccupied with that.
after going to OA, therapy and now blogging, i have recently taken up intuitive eating and wow, it is freeing and empowering to not be so controlling with food.
So glad you posted this Elisabeth!
It makes me so sad to see women putting such stringent restrictions and expectations on themselves, which is a setup for failure.
My turning point was when I was able to embrace myself and my flaws and realize that life is too short to sentence myself to constant unhappiness and obsession…I mean what happiness comes from not letting yourself eat chocolate or pizza or drink a margarita?
thank you for this. I needed this post today.
I’m LOVING the comments, you guys!! =)
I love this. LOVE. I know what it’s like to have that feeling of “oh crap, I’ve already had X calories today and it’s only 4pm, how am I supposed to eat dinner and still reach my goals?!” Luckily, I had a great trainer who reminded me some days you’ll be over, some days you’ll be under. Some days your body will crave more nutrients/calories because it worked harder and is recovering. It *needs* those extra calories sometimes! In the end it is all about balance.
Great post. I’ve been there- many times…and also beating myself up for going over calories. It can become an obsession-or it can become a tool to healthy living. It’s a sometimes scary tightrope.
I agree that for many people the first step should be focusing on what you call the “real stuff.” I also agree that restrictive diets and eating disorders are not the way to go. At the same time, I don’t think calorie counting necessarily has to be a negative thing. I started counting calories about six months ago, and it’s really helped me turn around my eating habits. I found out how much food I actually need to feel satisfied. I found out that eating 1200 calories at dinner feels gross. I use counting calories as a way to achieve a healthy balance as far as eating goes. And although it’s never a good idea to skip meals or restrict to extreme points, there are times when knowing how much I’ve already eaten is a key point in making healthier choices. If I’ve already eaten 2,000 calories in a day, I should probably say “No,” to 600 calories of pie…things like that.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that calorie counting can be an awareness tool and not just a negative, restrictive thing. I find myself eating all the foods I love in reasonable amounts, and being aware of what I eat has helped immensely.
Thanks for a thought-provoking article!