I’ve heard those quotes that essentially say “you can’t get somewhere you’ve never been by doing the same things you’ve always done” and thought, “hmm, that’s true,” but I haven’t taken them to heart or put them into practice. I’ve filed that knowledge away for future use but never got around to using it – yet another instance of “I know what to do but I’m just not doing it.”
Anyway, this idea of doing different shiz and getting different results didn’t click with me until the other day when I was having an all out sob-fest in front of my mom. You see, every aspect of my life is in limbo at the moment, and to put it as eloquently as possible, IT SUCKS. I was crying about failing at This, That, and The Other when my mom, in her infinite tough-love wisdom told me this:
“You’ve proven you’re good at failing. Now you need to prove you’re good at succeeding.”
You might not think it’s any earth-shattering revelation, but it struck a chord with me. My mom was telling me what I already knew deep down – I’m pretty good at backsliding into comfort, whatever that may be. Like Rachel’s post on the Top 10 Reasons Being Healthy Sucks mentions, it takes a huge amount of effort to choose the higher ground, the healthier route, the evil-er of two evils. I’d rather have pizza and beer than salad and seltzer any day. Pizza and beer are comfortable and certain, like my flannel PJ pants and Tina Fey glasses. Sometimes your soul just needs the beer and pizza/PJs and glasses every so often, but if you keep choosing that more comfortable road over the road less traveled, you’ll end up in a big rut, crying to your mom about being a failure.
Forming healthy habits doesn’t happen overnight. Duh. It might even take months or years, which totally sucks. My point here is that it takes balls, guts, chutzpah to keep trying, even when it proves to be hellaciously difficult. This is what I’ve been “good at failing” at; throughout every effort I’ve undertaken to lose weight, start exercising, eat healthier, etc., I start off strong and then puss out after awhile. It takes courage to start something new and to stick with it, but to sustain that change and prove you can be successful at something new is the real challenge. Failure is comfortable. Success is the unknown; it’s scary, uncharted territory.
In order to make any real progress (in your health, relationships, professional life, whatever), you can’t keep backsliding into old habits and expect to make any progress (“you” in the hypothetical sense; I’m certainly in no position to preach). It’s ok to have lapses every once in awhile, and consciously indulging in whatever vice you choose shouldn’t be considered a “slip-up.” However, in order to create real sustained change, you’ve got to prove over and over again that you can succeed, no matter how uncomfortable or scary it feels. Just like numerous instances of “screwing up” lead to “failure,” numerous instances of putting forth effort and trying new things will lead to success.
At least that’s the mantra currently on repeat in my brain. Have you ever heard a quote that should’ve been “duh” but that turned out to be more “A-HA!” instead?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Your mom is one smart chick. I often find myself ruining a really good health week in one night… because I can. Ugh…
This post is amazing! I am currently helping out my friend get started on a HEALTHY weight loss journey, and I feel good doing it, and this post will definitely help her. She’s had some struggles, mostly with people making snide remarks about her “trying again” or “here we go again with the eating”…..good job Kat!
i’ve got a good one – “nothing tastes as good as lean and mean feels.” a ‘duh’ at first, but once you are on that road it became an ‘ah-ha’
A quote or idea that should be “duh” to me is “Just because it is there, it doesn’t mean you have to eat it.” I’m still working on this one. I’m all for satisfying needs and and fulfilling desires (sometimes) but I read this (I can’t remember where) one day and I thought, “Hm, that’s so true. Why have I never thought of this before?” because normally, if there was something around.. like.. cheapo candy in an office or free pizza on campus or something, I would just eat it because it was THERE, not because I wanted or needed it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.
Anyway, sorry for stalking you over to this website. I think I was actually following links from another blog, but then here you were! lol
Aren’t moms the best? They have the perfectly ability of comforting us and supporting us, but also giving us that “tough love” when we need it most.
You hit the nail right on the head, and I needed to hear it! When I fail, I constantly give myself excuses as to why it’s okay. Sure, I’m glad that I’m not too hard on myself, but at the same time making excuses is never going to get me anywhere. There are definitely aspects of my life where I need to stop whining about it and just make the necessary changes. Sometimes it really is as simple as that!
I’m digging the blog! So glad I found it via Ashley’s blog (Fashionably Fit). Can’t wait to start being a regular reader!
Johana – Even though I shouldn’t give a crap about what others think, I’m SO scared that they’re saying “wonder if it’ll stick this time?” when they see that I’m losing weight. I think this time, I’m trying to take it “one decision at a time” and focus on the things I’m doing RIGHT now. In the same way that I gained every single pound by making one poor decision after another, I’ll lose every pound by making one GOOD decision after another. Is your friend blogging or Twittering or SparkPeople-ing or anything like that?
Love2eatinpa – That’s one I’ve tried to make a daily mantra, but I’m such an instant gratification whore that in the moment, I could argue having another beer over losing another pound. I gotta internalize that one!
Lizzie – I will most likely struggle with this until the day I die (hopefully of reeeeally old age and not obesity-induced heart disease). I just made those damned brookies with the intent of having one or two and giving the rest away. But they were THERE. And they were TASTY. And they were TAUNTING ME, goddamn it. If it’s there, I’ll eat it, and this is such a tough habit to break…how can you practice resisting? It’s gotta *be there* for you to practice *resisting* but it’s so hard to say no…. Grr.
Gracie – I was just thinking about writing a post based on a comment I got on MY blog about giving yourself positive reinforcement vs. tough love. You don’t want to be SO down on yourself all the time, but you also don’t want to coddle yourself and go too easy on yourself, because you’ll “let yourself” get away with anything! THIS is my biggest struggle right now, because on the one hand, I want to give myself a break, but on the other hand, my self has been given one too many breaks lately. It’s a vicious cycle!!
I have this conversation with myself all the time! But it is so good to hear it from someone else! It is so hard to break habits, even stupid ones. I will refer back to this often! thanks!