Reader Q: What Constitutes TMI?

This afternoon we’re answering a question from a reader!

She writes…”I’d like to see a post about ‘how much is too much’ to share. Bloggers share intimate details of weddings and funerals that might be inappropriate for a healthy living blog. What are your thoughts on this? I know you’ve written about lifecasting before, but sharing these kinds of very personal moments and details with such a wide audience kind of baffles me.”

This brought such an interesting discussion to our group and we couldn’t take one “stand” on it. So in this case, all the Hollaback Girls are throwing in their two cents!

Laura (Adventures in Tralaland) – The TMI line is there for each blogger to lay out. When we read a blog, we want to feel like we know the blogger. However much she decides to share, she should be upfront about what will be shared so that readers know what to expect. A note on the “about” page or your blog’s tagline should do the trick.  It doesn’t mean that a blogger can’t share whatever she decides to share or change the focus of the blog. However, I think that some situations may call for a bit of a warning to readers, and bloggers should use common sense when they post content that others may find difficult to handle, either because it’s a universal difficult subject or because it differs vastly from what the blogger usually posts about.

As far as giving your readers information about yourself, I don’t think you necessarily have to share “everything” with your readers for them to feel like they know you and want to keep coming back to read your blog.  A blogger’s style of writing can be personal and inviting, and your voice is an indispensable tool for creating a rapport with your readers.  You can share a completely impersonal detail or occurrence and still make your readers feel like they know you better for sharing it with with them — as long as you tell it in a compelling voice and let your personality shine through in your writing.

Johana (My Quirky Life) – I enjoy reading the lives of different bloggers because I do believe many bloggers lead quite interesting lives. It’s sort of like a television show I can check into whenever I want to. But there is lifecasting and then there are private moments that are made public. I believe weddings are happy special occasions that everyone is ecstatic to share about, specially if it’s your own wedding. If you’re attending the wedding, I think the average pictures of the bride and groom with their wedding party and family and friends are completely acceptable. But if you’re posting what their vows were, I think a line was crossed. Now a funeral is a tragic and sad moment in anyone’s life, and sharing anything to do with such an event is very sensitive. The matter of respect for the deceased and their family comes into play. This is not a typical friendly gathering or special occasion where the food should be showcased to the world or detailed photographs of said event exposed.

Meredith (An Epic Change) - Every blogger has his or her own limit to what he or she will share, but I think that the epidemic of over-sharing deserves some discussion. There are certain events that happen in life (weddings, baby showers, deaths, accidents, etc) that bloggers, myself included, write about. For those of us that share our lives with the blog world, our lives come with the events of any other person’s life. But when we are sharing, it is important to question the details that are given. A picture and a recap of the event, done tastefully, could be perfectly appropriate. But would the bride want such initimate details about her wedding spewed across the Internet? If she’s like me, she wants to keep that as something shared only with her closest friends and family. And when something tragic happens, a blogger should really question the level of sharing. Yes, it is tragic and is part of your life. Yes, you may be grieving or sad. But emotions like this are very private. If it is important to you to share with your readers that something has happened, do. But be careful of the details you share. It may make your readers feel uncomfortable and bring up old emotions that we don’t know they are experiencing. It is common knowledge I am still grieving my father’s death, but I tend to keep most of that private and only share small details on occasion. And, should you decide to post all the details, please consider a disclaimer and a jump to the content.

Bess (I Dream of Greenie) - When you choose to blog, you are exposing whatever you choose to share to thousands of readers. And since I find it hard to believe that anyone who makes their blog public is not blogging just for themselves, care should really be exercised, especially when blogging about issues that may negatively impact your readers.  Don’t get me wrong, I think a little lifecasting enhances a blog, but unless your blog is specifically focused on a countdown to your wedding, your raging metabolism, you modeling career, or how to properly grieve (and accordingly, your readers share a similar mindset), discretion should be considered. While clearly not everyone is going to like what you have to say, you should definitely listen to any constructive criticism your readers may have, which is completely different from “full-on hating.” It’s ultimately your right as to whether or not you want to take it to heart, just as it is your readers’ right to exercise their opinions.

Christie (Honoring Health) – I believe that each person has the right to publish to their blogs what they see fit as long as it falls within the realm of their blog and what their readers are expecting. I have written about the grief of losing my brother, the emotions around a binge, and other things that have led me to the path I am on today. I am getting away from writing details of my personal journey but I do refer to such things from time to time. But, my blog is a blog about emotional eating and intuitive eating and all of those things fall within the realm of making me relatable to my readers.

I also feel strongly that the readers need to let a blogger know when they don’t like what they are reading. And this opinion is a new one for me now that I am sort of changing the reasons why I blog. If you write for your readers from the stance that your blog is a business, you need to keep your readers happy.

Angela (A Healthy Fit) - Right now I am currently struggling with what I think is too much to post. Part of the appeal of having a blog is that you can put your thoughts out there and some people are OK with having an “online journal” of sorts. I think it is really a personal decision on what you put out there, but you should be careful with how you put it out there as there may be others in the same situation.

Some people you meet in real life are OK with meeting you and telling you their whole story from the first minute and I think some blogs are like that. For me, it does get into a realm of TMI. I don’t need to know everything and please think about how the pictures posted represent you and how they may make others feel.

Melissa (Missy Maintains) – I think it is important to figure out from the start how much you want to reveal on your blog. It is really important to be mindful of your audience and really think about what you are putting out there for the world to read.
I feel that it is really important to respect and listen to your readers. If just one reader does not feel comfortable with your content, how many others are out there that may feel the same way? Yes, your blog may be a place for you to share your feelings but it is also a place to make your readers feel comfortable and happy.

Kendra (Kendra Through the Looking Glass) – I probably look at this a little differently than most. In real life I am the queen of TMI or the “Sharing Box” as a friend of mine would say. I do have limits but I don’t make many of them obvious.
What I don’t discuss is… well… not much. But I don’t get specific about the things I want to protect. You will never see pictures of my friends (unless they want to be featured), pictures of my apartment, pictures of my workplace, my address, my last name, or pictures of injuries. I might talk about those injuries (the flesh wound incident) but no one needs to see gross images. I believe in a certain amount of vulnerability is good. My blog is not meant to be a platform for talking at people. Although I discuss a number of issues that some may not, I also work on how I discuss them. The tone with which you discuss something can completely change people’s reactions and make or break a post.

Rachel – I think that a lot of this goes back to the idea of lifecasting vs. mindcasting. If a blog is simply lifecasting, then it’s nearly impossible not to share intimate details and it’s a lot harder to draw the line when you as a blogger might now ant to. It’s also hard for your readers to know what to expect. If they think you share everything and then find out you don’t share something, they might find it hard to trust you. But if there’s more balance between the types of posts, you have the freedom to say, “Hey guys, this is happening in my life and I’m dealing with this right now” and leave it at that without sharing every last detail. There’s also a difference between sharing feelings/reactions and sharing pictures. To me, it’s the sharing of feelings that make you relatable. For example, if your boyfriend broke up with you and you feel awful, you can put that in the context of your blog. But saying, “I burst into tears on the treadmill today,” is different from posting pictures of him and his new girlfriend. I think you can honor your feelings without being inappropriate or turning off your readers.

We definitely have a lot of thoughts and we’d love more bloggers and blog readers to weigh in on how to handle sensitive topics and intimate details  on a blog!

Tagged as: oversharing, Please Blog Responsibly, sensitive topics, TMI