Don’t Feel Guilty If…You Have Real Friends

by Hollaback on January 6, 2011 · 27 comments

[Today we have a guest post from Julie of Peanut Butter Fingers on blog friends and real-life friends! Enjoy!]

One of the very best things about blogging is forming relationships with readers and other bloggers. It keeps the community thriving and allows for like-minded people to learn from each other, share ideas, and even meet up in person.

If you follow a lot of blogs, you’ve likely noticed that many bloggers hang out with other bloggers…a lot.

The other day I found myself feeling a bit insecure over all of the inter-blog world friendships. It seems like so many bloggers only hang out with other bloggers. And every time they are describing their outings, they can link to the names of all of their friends.

I started to feel a little left out.

I can’t link to my friends. They don’t have blogs! Am I missing something? When I say I hung out with my friends Merri and Laurel, I can’t link to their sites. Perhaps I should link Merri’s name with the non-existent… Throw up a broken link so people think I’m super cool and have blogger friends too!

When I started to really think about what I was feeling, I realized I was being ridiculous. I absolutely LOVE my friends. They have NO clue what healthy living blogs are, and that’s OK. Readers will look at pictures from a night out with my friends and not recognize a single person in my pictures. But I will. And I will know about their families, their love lives, and that crazy drunken night in college that they’ll never live down.

I am not saying blogger friendships are silly, because I don’t mean that in the least! I think it’s wonderful that people have made lasting friendships based on common interests that can be fully attributed to blogging. I have attended several blogger meet-ups and can honestly say the women I’ve met are fantastic people.

But I am saying that if you are a blogger, it’s OK to want to hang out with your non-blogging friends. When it comes to blogging about these friends, be sure to include their name in your post. If they’re a good friend of yours, they will likely show up on your blog again and again, and your readers want to know the important people in your life. Including a simple line about how you know the person helps your readers understand how this person fits into your life. For example, saying “My friend, and former sorority sister, Merri,” gives your readers a head’s up that you know this friend from college.

So don’t feel guilty if you have to miss a blogger meet-up to go to hang out with the friends you’ve known for years. They’re pretty darn fantastic too! And please don’t feel left out if you weren’t invited to the latest blogger meet-up in your city. You’re still pretty darn cool — and a good blogger — even if you were left off the invite list.

Julie eats peanut butter from the jar with her fingers. She double dips and is proud of it.

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Kristina @ spabettie January 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

this is great! and if you DO talk about your friends a lot, you CAN link to them, in old posts of yours that talk more about them!! 😀

Jackie @ Baking Charms January 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

GREAT idea!!

MelissaNibbles January 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

Great post Julie! I’ve missed out on blogger meetups due to plans I already had with “real life” friends and felt guilty, but I wasn’t about to blow off my friends for a blog meetup you know?

That being said, I’ve met a few bloggers that I now consider very good “real life” friends.

Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers January 6, 2011 at 4:16 pm

melissa, the same thing happened to me and that’s exactly what inspired this post. i guess once blog friends become wonderful “real life” friends it then becomes about balancing life and not forgetting about the friends you had before you started blogging just b/c they don’t have a blog.
Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers´s last post ..Rainy Day Dog

Whitney January 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

What a great post! I get kind of tired of seeing pictures of blogging friends. I understand that there is fun + adventure in meet-ups (none of which I have engaged in). I tend to think of the same bloggers, blogging about their SO and blog friends as more reclusive than anything!

Some of my friend-friends read my blog which I enjoy and some of my blog-friends. It’s a good mix.
Whitney´s last post ..Why I don’t approach 95 of men

Coco January 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Thank you for this! I’m an “amateur” blogger, and my friends don’t even know my blog exists! So sometimes I get sick of bloggers talking about bloggers talking about bloggers…
Coco´s last post ..2011 is Upon Us

Morgan @ Becoming Rooks January 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

Great blog! I hesitate to post the names or photos of my “real life” friends in my blog because of privacy. It’s one thing for me to splash my life on the internet, but it’s another to post about someone else. Do you ask your friends first if it’s okay to post about them?
Morgan @ Becoming Rooks´s last post ..Im a hypocrite

Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers January 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

yes! i definitely ask them first. i also say that if they see a picture up on my blog that they don’t like to tell me and i’ll take it down. though i do post ridiculous pictures of my husband just to get a rise out of him. 😉
Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers´s last post ..Rainy Day Dog

Marie January 6, 2011 at 4:43 pm

yay for a guest post Julie! I think having real friends is SO important. They keep me sane and tethered to “normalcy”. The blog world can be so consuming at times, its nice to have that escape and talk about things other than blogging related topics.

Emma (Sweet Tooth Runner) January 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Great post Julie! Living in the UK, there are so many less bloggers than there are in America, so blogger meet-ups don’t really exist! I’ve also felt when blogging about meeting up with MY friends that this isn’t good ‘material’ since none of them have blogs I can link to, but I know that’s stupid!
Thanks for raising this point! :)
Emma (Sweet Tooth Runner)´s last post ..Strength Training post–The Basics

Retta @ RunRettaRun January 6, 2011 at 5:36 pm

Great post Julie! I agree totally. I’ve felt left out of meet ups but that’s ok! Real life is RAD. :)
Retta @ RunRettaRun´s last post ..Pumping Iron

Lisa January 6, 2011 at 5:38 pm

This is a great post! I feel the same way. Whenever there’s a blogger meetup/conference I started skipping all the blogs I read. It just made me feel left out of the “cool club”. PLUS they all post the same exact posts and photos. Boring….
Lisa´s last post ..January Weigh In

Holly January 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Love this post, Julie! I live in Indiana, so….you can imagine how many bloggers I’ve met here (um, that would be zero). 😉 I am sometimes envious of bloggers who live in bigger cities who can meet up with one another, but most of my blogger friends live in warmer climates or just cooler cities, so…..a meet-up will be very convenient and welcomed at some point. :-)

Tiffany @ Simply Shaka January 7, 2011 at 2:03 am

Haha, there are three or four Indiana girl blogs I read (I’m originally from Indiana so I have to check out peeps in my home state!)

I am too lazy to create a new comment so I am putting this all together—great post and point you make. I’ve hunt out with bloggers from other cities when I go visit or vice versa but only hung out with fellow bloggers in my city once or twice. I wish I could more though. I guess it all comes down to bloggers who live near you, yeah, you have a blog along the same lines–food, exercise, etc. but what else you have in common with tham as well.
Tiffany @ Simply Shaka´s last post ..Inspired by Boyz II Men

Laura @ Backstage Pass January 6, 2011 at 7:33 pm

Great post, Julie!
I live in Milwaukee, where we have a small cluster of healthy living / food bloggers and a growing ‘scene’. 99% of the time, I do not hang out with other bloggers, and am envious when I see posts with links all over the place! So, while I encourage meet-ups with local bloggers, until I have strong friendships with these individuals I will continue to mostly hang out with my non-blog friends :-)
Laura @ Backstage Pass´s last post ..Things to do before you turn 30

Gavi @ GaviGetsGoing! January 6, 2011 at 8:08 pm

I really appreciated this post, Julie. Thanks for your honesty and candor about mixing blogging and friendships. While I feel that on the whole the healthy living blog community is friendly, warm, and welcoming, I also find myself sometimes feeling on the outs when it looks like other bloggers are all best friends. I always want to meet new people and connect through my blog, but I also love sharing my blog–and my real life!–with my non-blogging friends. Thanks for this great post.
Gavi @ GaviGetsGoing!´s last post ..No better way…

marie (um, a different one from the Marie up there) January 6, 2011 at 9:59 pm

I always get excited when one of my non-blogger friends reads my blog and comments, because it’s like, more legit somehow. Sometimes you feel obligated to read and comment on your friend’s blogs (I know you guys have posted about this before) but when a non-blogger does it, it’s because they actually went to your site and like what they read so much they wanted to tell you. And that’s just gold.

Holly: I live in Indiana, HOLLA!
marie (um, a different one from the Marie up there)´s last post I stopped breathing air and lost 5 lbs!

Anna S (History Running Girl) January 6, 2011 at 11:53 pm

This was excellent!

I Think the blogging community can be great when moving to a new place because you would already have a shared interest. I met one of my real life friends on a message board. It was nice when I moved to a new city for a job already knowing someone.

One of my real life friends is my best commenter on my blog. I think she gets bored at work. Not all of my friends know about my blog yet.

Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life January 6, 2011 at 11:54 pm

Great post, Julie! I couldn’t agree more – I also have a large group of friends who have no idea about healthy living blogs, or blogs in general! Sure, they read mine occasionally, but it’s not really their thing…which is totally cool!
In turn, I’ve also met some really amazing bloggers who I now consider friends. Even though they are two separate groups, I’m totally okay with that. I’m lucky enough to have the two groups in the first place. :)
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life´s last post ..Four Things…Plus An Exciting Step Forward!

Bianca Valentim January 8, 2011 at 12:05 am

Love this post!!!
Bianca Valentim´s last post ..Feeling Sick

Ed January 9, 2011 at 10:26 am

I feel like that with Twitter! I follow this group of people and they’re cc-ing each other in tweets from larger events. I would be out salsa dancing and it’s not like I can @ reply everyone I dance with! …yeah. Good post, thanks!
Ed´s last post ..2011 Goals

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