Today’s very important Hollaback PSA includes some terms with which you may or may not be familiar. So let’s go ahead and start off with a vocabulary exercise, shall we?
passive-aggressive (adjective): being, marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way.
tweet (noun): a post made on the Twitter online message service.
passive-aggressive tweet: a post made on the Twitter online message service that is marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive passive way (see also: annoying, immature, things-Hollaback-girls-despise.)
Passive-aggressive behavior in social media is not a new phenomenon. Think back to the days of AIM and I’m sure a handful of passive-aggressive “away messages” will come to mind, not to mention the rampant and ridiculous occurrence of passive-aggressive Facebook statuses. But for health bloggers, Twitter seems to be the outlet-of-choice for passive-aggressive behavior, and I’m here to tell you that it seriously needs to stop. If thinking about how much you want to shank the perpetrators of passive-aggressive Facebook statuses isn’t enough to make you cease the tweeting, then maybe one of following reasons will speak to you.
- Despite your best efforts to look like it, you’re not being the bigger person. My favorite passive-aggressive tweets are the ones that try to sound all holier-than-thou. Something along the lines of, “Don’t get how some people can be so negative. Just have to take the high road.” Um. I’m not sure what “high road” you’re referring to, but I’m fairly certain this not it. Bigger people and high road takers don’t try to bait their adversaries into a Twitter war, nor do they need to constantly remind their followers of what a fine, upstanding person they are. So if you really want to “be the bigger person,” I’d suggest taming your fiery fingers, or putting your big girl pants on an following the advice of tip number two…
- You don’t really accomplish anything. Passive-aggressive tweeting is like passive-aggressively shouting in your back yard — you look like a crazy person and it does nothing to solve your problems. Let’s be honest, we’re all semi-mature girls in this here blogosphere. Not to mention we’re all semi-mature girls who have a shared affinity for words. So the next time you find yourself “beefing” with a fellow blogger, I implore you to craft a carefully worded e-mail and send it to them, in hopes of, you know, actually working toward a resolution.
- You look like an asshole. Seriously, you do. How many times a day do you want to choke someone for posting some crap about how, “True friends never stab you in the back” on Facebook? Well, it’s the same with Twitter. You have to realize that probably 85 percent of your followers don’t know what your passive-aggressive tweets refer to, but they do know is that it’s annoying to follow someone who has the time to whine endlessly about some enraging topic, but doesn’t have the time to actually do something about it.
- It also makes you look like a big bully. I can’t tell you how many blog posts I’ve read from girls who say they were awkward and unpopular during their teenage years, which lead them to be bullied. They look back on these days with an air of sadness, like they can hardly believe that they came through that period in their lives unscathed. But then you click over to their Twitter and they’re attacking people left-and-right with their passive-aggressive, 140-character rants, and you kind of want to say, have you looked in the mirror lately?
- It devalues your blog’s purpose. To some extent, every blog in this category has a feminist, girl-power slant to it. We wouldn’t be here, doing what we do, if we weren’t strong, confident women. Well, nothing makes you look more like the stereotypical, catty bitch than passive-aggressive tweeting. Tweets of this nature make you appear less mature, less confident, and it makes your blog purpose, of building up other women, look like a giant sham. Because really? Nothing says empowerment like tearing other women down, right?
Sure, when you get into a blog-related altercation with someone, there’s always going to be the urge to take to Twitter and make a passive-aggressive statement, but I can promise you’ll be better off if you don’t.
This concludes today’s Hollaback PSA! Now go forth and practice all awesome things that you’ve learned (like how to not be a passive-aggressive jerk and what-not).
[Editor's note: If you passive-aggressive Tweet about this post, Imma stab you. Seriously, if there is one thing I've learned, it's that nothing fights passive-aggressive behavior like being "aggressive" (i.e. respectfully but pointedly calling bullshit in the appropriate place/time/way). - Rachel]
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
i feel like passive-aggressive tweeting falls into the same category of tweets with those that say things like “what a HORRIBLE day” or “just got the best news EVER!” the tweeter clearly wants attention. vague tweets are so incredibly annoying. if you want to share your great news then share it… otherwise keep it to yourself.
Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers´s last post ..Gray Oats
Yes. Yes. And yes.
Kaley´s last post ..In Like a Lion- Out Like a Lamb
If someone tweets “Best News Ever!” what is it about us, as humans, who can’t genuinely be HAPPY for the person who we admire enough to follow them, and therefore “muck up” our twitter stream with their said passive aggressiveness.
Is it something deep within us that constantly needs to know everything about everyone? Can’t we simply feel GOODNESS for another human being without needing to know every single detail?
Let’s break it down:
You are at the local coffee shop. A friend walks in. She is smiling. You ask how her day is going. She says, “Wonderful! Got great news at work and just got back from an amazing dinner – best sweet potato fries EVER. How are you?”
Are you happy for your friends smile and good news? Isn’t it nice to see someone you like delighted?
If she wanted to share more information with you, wouldn’t see have done so? If you ask for more information, are you being noisy? Maybe she can’t talk about. Maybe she just promoted to head CIA agent but she could never tell you that but still has the right to celebrate with a smile and a sharing of general “I got good news at work.”
Perhaps the problem isn’t with the lack of details in a tweet, but with our own desire to be “in the know” at all times.
heather´s last post ..Why Don’t You- Play Tourist
p.s. when i say “we” – I genuinely mean myself as well.
heather´s last post ..Why Don’t You- Play Tourist
I try not to passive agressive tweet, but I’m the first to admit that I’ve done it. Sometimes your anger gets the best of you. I stopped following bloggers on Twitter that I don’t like and I stopped reading their blogs. That way, the stupid things they say don’t anger me. Also, I’m a big bully and an asshole.
I <3 you.
marie´s last post ..maybe I’m not at all down and out
I agree, you are a big bully AND an asshole. Kidding. I’d totally use a winking emoticon here, but I hate those, too. Truth be told, I’m completely guilty of a passive-aggressive tweet or two, but then I started noticing how much I want to choke people out when they do it and I decided to stop. I also agree that a good purging of your Google reader/list of bloggers you follow on Twitter goes a long way in stopping the urge to launch a PAT-attack. Hate following’s not as fun as it looks.
Kristen´s last post ..Automattic’s Worldwide WP 5k
I totally adore and respect you (for a multitude of reasons) but specifically at this moment for not following bloggers that make you angry.
heather´s last post ..Why Don’t You- Play Tourist
When I feel the urge to PAT, I stop and ask myself “Does this make me look like a dbag? Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Does anyone care? Am I going to explain myself? Would I care if anyone posted this? Will I feel better for saying this? Is this funny?” Those questions usually help me to step away from the keyboard.
I’m rarely satisfied when I find out the story behind vague or passive aggressive tweets. So, now when I see people posting vague or passive aggressive things, I usually assume whatever they are talking about is either childish or boring.
zenlizzie´s last post ..I am not stressed My brain is stressed Repeat
Hahaha i love this post, although I have been guilty of doing this. This post definitely shed light on the topic.
Thank you thank you thank you for this post. The passive aggressive tweeting pisses me off. Recently, someone who I thought was a close friend wrote a passive aggressive tweet about me. That is how I learned she no longer wanted me in her life. All she had to do was send me an email and we could have worked this out. I had to find out from TWITTER?!
And the amount I see that goes on in the blog world is just incredible. Let this post be a reminder that we are not in high school, let’s leave the childish games behind. It is reasons like this that females as a whole have a terrible reputation.
Dori´s last post ..At Which Everyone Pays Attention to Dori
But what if the primary theme of you blog is how you’re a stereotypical, catty bitch?
I kid, I kid.
Yes, you are right. Often I do try to “help out” by offering broad, vague directives to my readership as a whole in the hopes that even just one person will take my advice and change their life for the better. Things like “we’re all pretty sick of your oatmeal photos;” and “stop photographing yourself and RUN.” Passive aggressive? Probably. Helpful? Clearly.
marie´s last post ..maybe I’m not at all down and out
Clearly!
Dori´s last post ..At Which Everyone Pays Attention to Dori
Passive aggressive behavior in any form of social media is my biggest pet peeve! I find it annoying and petty. I’ve been shocked to find bloggers on Twitter displaying this sort of behavior when they come off so different on their blog. I’ve actually stopped reading certain blogs that I loved just because I felt like the author was putting on a front for their posts and letting their true “mean girl” side out on Twitter.
You nailed this.
Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.
I feel like any passive agreesive tweets/updates/blog posts are just a really sad call for attention. And it’s just annoying.
Amy B @ Second City Randomness´s last post ..My “Go To”
I just admit that I want passive-agressive Tweeters (who are usually quite funny) to own up. I want them to reveal who they are talking about. Gossip lover? That’s me.
Kaley´s last post ..In Like a Lion- Out Like a Lamb
But if they addressed their issues directly to the target of their passive-aggression, it wouldn’t be passive-aggressive anymore! Then it would just be aggressive, or awesome. Probably awesome. Not to mention way more effective.
Kristen´s last post ..Automattic’s Worldwide WP 5k
Passive-aggressive tweets are downright irritating! What’s even annoying is some people FLOOD you with all those tweets! I mean, are now more in touch with Twitter instead of people. I think it’s better to talk it out with someone you have a beef with or share it with a friend/someone who could help than rant it out to get sympathy or attention!
Anyway, I really like this post!
Karoline´s last post ..En anden måde at finde en billig 4-stjernet ferie på
Ack. I do this. I should stop. Suggestions for healthy ways of getting rage out of my system would be most welcome! Not running, though. Running makes me more cross, for some reason.
Becca´s last post ..The Agony and the Ecstasy of Dogs
Well put–I’m so happy that you wrote this awesome post! The blog community definitely needs to hear this. However, I would like to point out that passive- aggressiveness, in all its forms, is never cool and does make the person look like an asshole. I don’t know much about your personal blog, but it is a little ironic that several of the other Hollaback writers ooze with passive-aggressiveness and apparently don’t realize it. Writing passive-aggressive blog posts and comments is equally as pathetic as passive-aggressively tweeting. And for the record, resolving conflict directly is not the same as being “aggressive” or calling people out.
Obviously this is a p-a comment–so I have some work to do.
Carrie-I think your comment brings up a point that’s worth making. It’s something the Hollaback writers have said before, and we’ll say again: we see ourselves in a lot of our own posts! Sometimes post ideas come out of conversations we have in which we call each other out for bad blogging behavior or those moments that, in hindsight, we’re not proud of. So please don’t take this blog or this post as a ‘we’re so perfect’ type of authority. We see our flaws and put posts like this out there as a challenge to all bloggers — ourselves included — to keep improving.
I know I P-A tweet sometimes, but it is about people/things in my life that have NOTHING to do with my blog. It isn’t the best behavior, but I think I do a pretty good job of not being P-A about other bloggers, articles, blogs, hot topics, etc. We all make mistakes and sometimes my sarcasm is probably taken the wrong way, but I agree that P-A tweeting is a bad habit to fall into.
Great post! Call it like you see it , loved it! Everyone needs to tone it down a bit, twitter and FB can be a bit like drive-by’s.. we’ve all become overly in love with how much we have to say and it’s easy to cross the line. Anyways… good for you for taking a strong stand on this. Haven’t been in your neighborhood but glad I found you and I”ll be back to see what else you have to say!
My heart to yours-
Lisa
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